Be Your Best to Find Your Soulmate

For many of us, a soulmate is essential to emotional well-being. But if you’re a mature man who finds himself on the dating scene due to divorce, widowhood, or similar, you may be wondering if anyone will bother to even look at you now you’ve reached a certain age. Well, it’s time to rid yourself of such thoughts. They will only sap your confidence, thus sabotaging your chances of ever finding your ideal partner and soulmate.

You need to forget the age factor and simply concentrate on being your best.

Find out how to make the most of your physical appearance, increase self-confidence, and put on the charm to find and attract your perfect match.

Where to Find Your Soulmate

You could find your soulmate almost anywhere: while walking the dog or taking your daily run in the park; at your chosen place of worship; in the workplace. Or is there a hobby you’d like to try that would take you out of the house and among others who share a common interest?

As a shy and somewhat careful man, I’d have reservations about signing up to a dating website; but stepping out of our comfort zone can work wonders. Let’s face it, most of us know at least one happy couple who found one another online.

Or maybe you’d care to place an ad in the lonely hearts column of your local newspaper, most of which are now published in print and online.

Whatever you do, it’s about putting yourself in front of others in your best possible light.

Take a Look in the Mirror

It all begins with you.

When was the last time you took a good, critical look in the mirror?

You may be arguing that your potential soulmate should judge you by your character and not your appearance. But if you want to attract another person, it’s a fact that most people initially like one another because of the way they look. Physical attraction is the first attraction.

But it’s not about appearance per se.

Are You and Your Potential Soulmate a Good Match?

When you look in the mirror, imagine yourself hand in hand with your potential soulmate; it could be somebody you’ve already encountered or the ideal partner you have yet to meet.

Ask yourself if you seem odd together rather than like a perfectly matched, romantic couple.

If so, it’s because you don’t appear to have very much in common. As a result, you will probably go unnoticed.

Modify Your Image

You have to seem to share some of the same interests, expectations, and/or standards. So consider to what extent you are willing to change yourself, if at all. And whether the ideal partner you’ve set your sights on really is right for you, especially in the long term.

For example, no matter how much I like my next-door neighbor, who is a compulsive nightclubber and sleeps all day Saturdays and Sundays, we could never get together romantically. Unless, maybe, there were a dramatic change in one of us, and that certainly wouldn’t be me: I enjoy being a complete square, and my religion is unnegotiable. 

The same goes for my mustache and bald pate—I’d never shave it off nor consider a toupee. It’s part of who I am; take it or leave it.

So what would I change?

Although I’m always neat and tidy, I don’t care much for fashion. My everyday attire consists of well-worn but polished Hush Puppies, a pair of chinos, an open-neck button-down shirt, and a V-neck cardigan sweater. But if I notice that a certain somebody I’ve seen at worship or in the workplace is always very well turned out, I might consider smartening myself up a little.

I should in fact consider this whether I have my eye on a specific person or not. Who knows, that certain somebody could end up being the one to ask me on a date, which would save a lot of trouble.

We can all make minor adjustments and improvements without changing who we are or projecting a completely different (false) image, which we couldn’t sustain anyway.

To attract a lifelong partner, we must be sincere from the start and remain true to ourselves.

If you think your appearance is obstructing your path to finding a soulmate, here are a few tips on making subtle but effective changes in order that you are more attractive to the type of person who would be right for you.

Do You Need to Change Your Style?

You don’t have to completely change your wardrobe and haircut. After all, your taste is part of who you are. But are you dressed and groomed to your best advantage?

Do the cut and design of your clothes affect your figure positively? For example, if you’re developing a paunch, you need to lose the skinny jeans and slim fit shirts.

Are you barbered so as to improve facial symmetry, accentuate your best features, and distract from your worst? If unsure, ask when getting your next haircut.

And if you’re disguising male pattern baldness with hair-building fibers, a comb-over, or a toupee, maybe it’s time to reevaluate. I can tell you from experience that letting nature take its course is truly liberating.

Apart from that, baldness is a very masculine attribute.

Using myself as an example, these are the changes I’d make: I’d wear my suits more often to worship. Nothing would get me out of my chinos, shirts, and cardigan sweaters, but I’d renew those that are washed out and faded. And I’d buy a new pair of Hush Puppies. I’d also visit the barber more often to keep my horseshoe hairline neatly trimmed; I prefer this to shaving it off.

But be careful not to appear as though you’re trying to seem younger.

I used to work in the hospitality industry, often serving at over-30 singles parties. The majority of those who turned up were well over 50, and those trying to be 30 were the ones who went home alone. These were always men.

Source: The Neat and Tidy Man

Looking Good at Any Age

Good skin and hair condition are fundamental to looking good, no matter how old you are. You’ll achieve this through a healthy diet and exercise, which we’ll broach later on in this post, as well as an appropriate grooming regimen.

During our 40s, 50s, and 60s, or earlier for some men, we experience graying, balding, and dryness, which worsen as we age.

But none of this should prevent you from finding your soulmate: Graying and balding will remain a problem for as long as you make them such, and dryness can be kept under control.

Dry Skin

Moisturizing has nothing to do with vanity and everything to do with proper skin care.

I have dedicated an entire post to this subject, but here I’ll just tell you what I do to keep my flaky, aging skin in good condition.

I never use moisturizers formulated specifically for men. They’re mostly over-perfumed so as to seem more masculine and do little for extreme dryness.

All of my skincare products are therefore unisex and unscented.

Because my skin doesn’t respond to one product all of the time, I switch between several.

During the day I use a day cream (so-called because it absorbs easily to appear matte), switching between the active ingredients of almond oil and urea.

Night creams are richer and don’t contain a sun protection factor. Again, it’s either almond oil or urea for me. But I also do what is called “slugging.” I apply either petroleum jelly or beef tallow balm over my night cream, which results in more intense hydration.

Although preventative to an extent, none of this will get rid of existing wrinkles and sagging. But it will make your skin appear healthy, which will make you more attractive.

You can go a step further and try serums and masks. Experiment to discover what works best for you—there are many products to choose from online.

Graying

Silver hair may be exactly what you need to find and attract your soulmate. It will give you a seasoned air.

But gray hair is usually difficult to manage and can be unattractive in texture and color if not treated correctly.

Of course, you can dye it. We’ve all heard of Just for Men, which is for head and facial hair. But I wouldn’t consider this a long-term solution.

I like to keep everything as natural as possible; however, my graying mustache is very uneven in color. So I use Men’s Master Repigmenting Gray Hair Shampoo, which stains the white to dark gray for a tidier appearance. I will, however, stop doing this once my mustache is uniformly gray.

So graying isn’t a problem for me, but, as already mentioned, the gray itself is problematic.

Because it is often dry and wiry, conditioners and moisturizing treatments are essential. And you’ll need a so-called purple shampoo to neutralize yellowing, which is caused by UV exposure. This will also add vibrancy.

Male Pattern Baldness

If you’re very thin or have an unusual head shape, it’s understandable that you might prefer to hold on to your hair or something resembling it.

You could try a toupee—there are various options available nowadays. Or hair-building fibers in conjunction with minoxidil or propecia. These are treatments that block DHT, which is usually the cause of male pattern baldness. And there is, of course, the possibility of a hair transplant if you’re able and willing to go to the expense.

For the rest of us: embrace baldness.

After shaving my head for the first time when in my early 20s, I was thrilled to see I had a perfectly rounded dome. I’d never looked better.

I now have a horseshoe hairline, which I usually have trimmed by my barber instead of shaving; try it and you’ll be amazed at how it enhances your masculinity.

Do this, too, if you’re one of those men who develop a thin bridge at the crown and a so-called island at the front.

If your thinning is still at the diffuse stage, shaving is probably the better option.

Transitioning to Baldness

In case you’ve been disguising hair loss and are now wondering how to transition to baldness without making a fool of yourself, the best way is to shave whatever is left. Some people will be shocked to begin with, but they’ll soon get used to it. Others will consider it a daring move and admire you for it.

Dandruff

Dandruff scattered over your shoulders is always unappealing.

It’s best to let a dermatologist prescribe an appropriate treatment since there are several types and causes, which means finding an effective shampoo on your own could take forever.

Corrective Cosmetics for Men

Unlike women, men are expected to not wear makeup yet appear their usual selves at all times. And that is the illusion we should endeavor to create.

If you think you need to manipulate your skin, lash, and brow colors, it must be undetectable and properly maintained in order that it seems unchanged 24-hours a day, every day.

And you may have to secretly continue with this after you’ve found your soulmate, which you should take into consideration before you begin.

Brows and Lashes

If you’re blond, brown lash and brow dye can add discreet definition to your eyes. It can also cover grays.

Or you could use a tinted lash and brow gel, but this could smudge and you’d need to remove it before sleeping.

Skin Tone

Pasty men can benefit from self-tanning products for a healthy glow—best are “tanning towels” for a natural-looking, even tan.

Apply the product to your face, neck, and ears before going to bed, then shower in the morning to smooth out any unevenness.

Unwanted Hair

Body hair, beards, sideburns, and mustaches are a matter of taste. But overgrown eyebrows and hairy ears and nostrils will certainly prevent you from finding your soulmate.

There are special devices to trim these facial areas. Search for them online.

Hand and Nail Care

Hard-working, calloused hands are another very masculine attribute of which you can be proud. But dry, chapped hands are unattractive.

Apply hand cream, keep your nails clipped and clean, and push your cuticles back. But don’t overdo it—perfectly manicured hands and shiny buffed nails are unmanly.

The Way You Smell Could Help Your Soulmate Find You

Natural Body Odor

Natural body odor is determined by body chemistry and plays a huge role in physical attraction and compatibility. So much so that it may draw your potential soulmate to you without you having to do a thing.

Maybe we should think of it as hypnotic.

Have you ever wondered why you feel discord for somebody in spite of their being a nice person? We’re not consciously aware of it, but it’s because natural body odor influences us when deciding whether or not we like somebody.

Unfortunately, you can’t manipulate your natural odor to make others favor you. But you can make sure you always smell clean, which is another factor in physical attractiveness.

Personal Hygiene

Nothing is more off-putting than nasty odors.

Shower and change your clothes daily, use underarm deodorant, clean your teeth at least twice a day, and chew gum for sweet-smelling breath—you must be nice to kiss, embrace, and be close to.

Of course, there are some unsavory smells that aren’t our own fault.

A friend of mine, who wasn’t very old at the time, developed that familiar but unpleasant “old people smell” after chemotherapy. He was able to disguise it with Japanese persimmon soap.

Or if you’re taking medications that affect your odor, try a superfatted curd soap called Dalli, which is available online.

Fragrance

If you don’t want to pay for a high-end cologne, it’s best not to wear one at all. Cheap fragrances are cloying and demonstrate bad taste.

If you do wear cologne, choose it properly and keep it subtle. It should play on the subconscious and never be the first thing people notice about you; like your natural body odor, this too can have a hypnotic effect.

Being the plain and boring man I am, my toiletries are all fragrance-free. But I do occasionally allow myself the tiniest spritz of Prada’s Amber Pour Homme. I like its soapy ‘just out of the shower’ aroma.

Keep Yourself Trim

Nobody expects a mature man to have the physique of Mr. Universe, but basic vitality is a very appealing quality.

I never go to the gym; I’m too lazy, too shy, and too frugal. But I do a quick daily workout at home with a power twister. Although I’m not muscular, it does make me feel stronger.

Feeling stronger will give you an air of self-assurance, which will make you seem more attractive.

Keeping your weight down isn’t so difficult, either. I practice intermittent fasting, limit carbohydrates, and avoid sugar and sweets. And because I live in a city, I walk everywhere, getting by without a car.

So, with just a little exercise and a couple of dietary restrictions, I’m able to maintain a trim figure without notable effort.

Source: Pixabay

What to Do When You’ve Found Your Potential Soulmate

If you’ve been following the above advice, it’s possible that your certain somebody has already noticed and approached you. Otherwise, you will have to initiate the first contact.

But before you do, see if you can answer “yes” to the following questions:

1. Do you seem to have something in common with your potential soulmate?
2. Are you dressed and groomed in a way that affects your appearance positively?
3. Are your skin and hair condition under control?
4. Are you rid of all unwanted hair?
5. Are your hands presentable?
6. Do you smell good?
7. Do you feel strong and healthy?
8. Do you feel self-assured and attractive?

Getting Ready to Initiate Contact

If you don’t have a mutual friend or acquaintance who can introduce you, it’s advisable to make yourself familiar before initiating first contact. It could otherwise seem abrupt and awkward.

Try to be more present at places you both frequent (without giving the impression that you’re stalking). Play it by ear and use your instincts, but it may be a good idea to avoid eye contact to begin with, showing no interest at all.

Be seen to be polite and courteous to everyone you’re with, demonstrating how likable you are.

Whatever you do, don’t pretend to be what you’re not; I, for example, couldn’t look as though I’m always enjoying myself to impress the fun-loving type. I’m far too staid for that.

When to Make Eye Contact

Make eye contact only when you’re sure you’ve been noticed, and throw your warmest smile.

If the smile is returned, you’re probably more than halfway there. If not, remind yourself there are more fish in the sea.

Wait for More Signals and Ask for a Date

Now it’s your turn to receive some signals, like a smile every now and then. Or maybe you’ll encounter the “hard to get” approach, which you’ll have to play along with. But soon you’ll be talking, and after a few conversations, you can officially ask for a date.

This, by the way, is when you’ll get a good idea of whether you’ve really found your soulmate.

Use all your charm when you ask, but don’t be slimy and don’t grovel. Slimy or groveling men come across as amusing at best and creepy at worst.

What If the Answer Is “No?”

No matter what your positive attributes—how charming you are, how good-looking you are, how clean and fresh you smell, how rich you are—there’s no guarantee the answer will be “yes.”

If no romantic interest is expressed, don’t make it seem like a big deal. Move on. As previously mentioned, there are more fish in the sea.

© 2024, J. Richardson. All rights reserved.